Friday, January 21, 2011

Oink, Oink!

Continuing with the animal theme...

This is simply a case of bad placement. I don't think Mohawk Babe likes sitting next to the stove.

 Ol' McDonald had a pig. Oink, oink, oink, oink. And on that pig was a bow-tie... oink, oink, oink, oink!

 And here, finally, something that makes sense... a piggy bank. In a suit? That's okay, he's trying to reassure nervous bank patrons by dressing like Mr. Moneybags.

I can mock all I want, but at the end of the day, this guy's got a pocketful of cash for this really scary children's toy and I don't:
And that is how the bacon crumbles.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Dear Antique Shop,
The headless mannequins in store fronts at The Gap are unrealistically proportioned, but there is no mistaking them for real, size -2 headless people.  The mannequins at Old Navy are too cartoon-like and annoying to be frightening. However, to pose a seven foot woman in a black dress and curly wig amongst the clutter of your shop is just asking for your customers to jump, gasp, and clutch their chests in surprise again and again. It’s scary! Mannequins should not be placed in such a way as to be mistaken for real people when one turns a corner. Thank you.
Startled Customer

P.S. It is a lovely dress and purse. 

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Dog Eat Dog

Lassie, hurry! Some of your canine comrades are in danger!!

Jock, the Scottish Terrier, has just returned from the Antique Mall, with terrible news!

No dog should have to see the things Jock saw. It was enough to make Spike, the bulldog, start smoking again.

 It was enough to make Lady start drinking. Look how glassy eyed she is!!!

 Yes, it appears these dogs are being prepared for consumption by the humans. See how they are arranged on this silver platter. OH MY... one's been decapitated!!! Look away!!!

 I said, LOOK AWAY!!! NO SPIKE!! Break that stare!!

 This is just sick.  The humans are using dog and cat shaped salt and pepper shakers to season the doomed doggies!!!

 Trusty is about to barf at this inhumanity!!! Do you see how sick he looks?!

 More decapitations! When will this end?!!

Oh, I see, the humans are going to serve the puppies on puppy plates. How disgustingly ironic.  

No comment. 

Wait! It looks like most of the puppies were able to escape! Even, Cerberus!! 

 And this thing.
 The physical wounds will heal. But the emotional scars are forever. Poor, ghost-puppy.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Tick-Tock, Toot-Toot!

 Yep. That's a clock face on a vinyl cushion on a miniature rocking chair.

 Mind-control Bear has yellow soulless button eyes to suck out your very essence and turn you into a mindless robot in an army bent on world domination.

 I think this is supposed to be George Washington. Whoever it is, he's been hollowed out and turned into a vase.

 This life-size mannequin is actually a real boy, turned into a mindless robot by Mind-control Bear.

This, my friend, is a shot glass train. Note the classy bottle built into the engine and the glasses on the front and rear.  Perfect for your train enthusiast or your child's "Thomas the Tank Engine" birthday party!

Monday, January 10, 2011

Nice Chest

It's a pin-cushion. It's a doll. It's an octopus. Maybe it's Ursula-the-Sea-Witch's younger sister Mae-Belle.

It's a giant Chia-Pet!! Like, seriously, it looks like a plant-alien creature slithered into his ear and then erupted from the top of his head, pushing out the brain matter with its creeping, vine tentacles.

Why purchase an ordinary chest of drawers, when you can purchase this incredibly "nice chest." The knobs are extra perky, too.

I swear, they're looking at each other... plotting. What are they? One's a cat. The other? A Bear-lamb?